Alcoholics Anonymous Jokes: Hilarious Truths Revealed!

Alcoholics Anonymous jokes are proof that even in the toughest journeys, laughter finds a way to sneak in—kind of like that one guy who always brings donuts to the meeting but never a napkin. From caffeine-fueled wisdom to twelve-step punchlines, these jokes remind us that recovery doesn’t mean losing our sense of humor just our ability to wake up with a mystery bruise. Whether it’s cracking jokes about sobriety struggles or celebrating the newfound ability to remember last night, Alcoholics Anonymous humor keeps spirits high (without the alcohol, of course). Because let’s be honest—if we can survive a world without happy hour, we deserve a few laughs along the way!

General Funny Alcoholics Anonymous Jokes

• Why did the alcoholic bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I was drinking on the job. He said, “At least you’re working!”
• I joined Alcoholics Anonymous for the free coffee… I stayed because I ran out of excuses.
• My doctor told me I drink too much. I said, “That’s impossible I spill half of it!”
• I told my bartender I was going to Alcoholics Anonymous… He said, “See you in an hour!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous is the only place where being “out of control” gets you a round of applause.
• I tried to make a drinking joke at my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but nobody was buying it.
• They say honesty is key in Alcoholics Anonymous… I’d tell you more, but I wasn’t paying attention.
• Why did the alcoholic get kicked out of the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? He brought a flask… for emergencies!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I was craving a drink… He told me to crave some water instead.
• What’s an alcoholic’s favorite exercise? The twelve-step shuffle!
• Why did the Alcoholics Anonymous member become a bartender? To remind himself how bad things used to be.
• I thought about drinking today… then I remembered, I like having a driver’s license.
• Alcoholics Anonymous taught me that quitting is for winners!
• What did the Alcoholics Anonymous member say when asked about his past? “I don’t drink to forget, I just forget to drink.”
• My first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting felt weird… I wasn’t used to drinking coffee without whiskey.
• Sobriety is like WiFi it’s great when you have it, but one bad connection and you’re lost.
• What do you call an alcoholic who stopped drinking? A miracle!
• I told my friend I was going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He said, “Why? You never quit anything in your life!”
• They say Alcoholics Anonymous stands for “Alcoholics Anonymous,” but in my group, everyone knows my name!
• I used to blackout from drinking, now I blackout from too much coffee at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings!
• Why do alcoholics love Alcoholics Anonymous meetings? Because the coffee is stronger than their willpower.
• I thought Alcoholics Anonymous was going to be easy… turns out, remembering everything is the hard part!
• My first step in Alcoholics Anonymous was realizing that running out of beer doesn’t count as “hitting rock bottom.”
• What’s the hardest part about Alcoholics Anonymous? Realizing that you can’t drink away the bad jokes.
• I went to Alcoholics Anonymous for the support… but I stayed for the unlimited cookies!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I was thinking about drinking again. He told me, “That’s why we think in meetings and not in bars!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me that recovery is a lifelong journey… but so is my coffee addiction!
• At my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I thought the twelve steps were just an exercise routine.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous group says sharing is important… but they get mad when I try to share a drink!

Best Alcoholics Anonymous Jokes

• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I was ready to quit drinking. He said, “That’s great! But why are you telling me this at a bar?”
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are like family reunions—everyone has a past, and nobody can remember the details.
• I thought about skipping my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting today… but then I remembered, I already tried skipping steps, and it didn’t work out.
• Why did the alcoholic bring a pencil to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? To draw the line!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me I should drink more… water.
• Alcoholics Anonymous members love coffee so much that I’m starting to think we should have a twelve-step program for caffeine too!
• I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and the speaker said, “Welcome! You never have to drink again!” I thought, “Wait, was that an option before?”
• The hardest part about Alcoholics Anonymous is admitting you have a problem… with decaf coffee.
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor what the secret to sobriety is. He said, “One step at a time.” I said, “What about two-for-one steps?”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous group said I should find a new hobby. I told them, “Drinking was my hobby!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings should come with a disclaimer: “Warning: May cause excessive coffee consumption.”
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous group that I wanted a beer. They told me, “Wanting a beer is normal… drinking one is a bad idea.”
• I never believed in miracles until I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and met people who survived their own worst decisions.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor asked me why I kept looking at my watch. I said, “I just want to know when it’s time for happy hour… I mean, meeting time!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous is the only place where you celebrate an anniversary by not drinking!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor said I needed to make amends. I started with my liver.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous group I wanted to travel the world. They said, “Great! But don’t drink in any country!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are like therapy, but with extra caffeine and way more storytelling.
• I tried quitting drinking on my own, but I kept failing. Then I found Alcoholics Anonymous and realized, “Oh, so I’m not the only one!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous taught me that I can do anything sober… except dance.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I needed a sign to quit drinking. He handed me a stop sign.
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous group if drinking in my dreams counted as a relapse. They said, “Only if you wake up hungover!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous sponsors are like GPS devices—they keep telling you to turn around when you go the wrong way!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous group I felt lonely. They handed me a phone and said, “Call your sponsor before you call a bartender.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous group has taught me that self-improvement starts with not pouring another drink.
• The best part about Alcoholics Anonymous is that I no longer have to check my bank account every morning to see what kind of night I had.
• I used to wake up wondering what I did last night. Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, now I wake up wondering if I left the coffee pot on.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I was craving something strong. He handed me a double espresso.
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings remind me that the best things in life are free—except the coffee, which I pay for with my dignity after my bad jokes.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to take life one day at a time. I said, “What if I just take the weekend off?”

One-Liner Alcoholics Anonymous Jokes

• I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for research… turns out, they do not serve drinks!
• Alcoholics Anonymous taught me that quitting is for winners.
• I do not have a drinking problem—I have a stopping problem!
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings have the strongest coffee and the weakest excuses.
• Sobriety is like a seatbelt—uncomfortable at first, but it saves your life.
• I joined Alcoholics Anonymous for the coffee; I stayed for the sarcasm.
• The best part of Alcoholics Anonymous? No hangovers from meetings!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to take life one step at a time… I asked if I could skip Mondays.
• Alcoholics Anonymous is the only place where people celebrate not drinking with more coffee.
• They told me I would find myself in Alcoholics Anonymous… I did, but I still owe me money.
• Alcoholics Anonymous is proof that life gets better—even without beer goggles.
• At Alcoholics Anonymous, they say honesty is key… but I am still lying to myself about going to the gym.
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are like comedy shows—except the punchlines are real life!
• I used to think I was allergic to alcohol… turns out, I just drank too much!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor said I should count my blessings… I told him I lost count after twelve steps!

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Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting Jokes

• I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and they said, “The first step is admitting you have a problem.” I said, “I have no problem… until I run out of beer!”
• At an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, someone asked me how long I had been sober. I said, “Since the meeting started.”
• The coffee at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is so strong, it keeps me awake long enough to fight my cravings!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor that I was struggling. He said, “Struggle is good. It means you haven’t given up yet.”
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are the only places where people celebrate getting older without taking a drink.
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous group if they had a happy hour. They said, “Yeah, it’s called a one-year sobriety chip!”
• My first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was great—until they told me I had to keep coming back.
• I used to go to bars to drink, now I go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to talk about how I used to go to bars to drink.
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are like family reunions—except everyone remembers what happened last time.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous group I had been sober for a week. They said, “That’s great! Only the rest of your life to go.”
• The only shots served at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting are espresso shots.
• I walked into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and said, “Hi, my name is John, and I have a drinking problem.” They said, “Hi, John!” I said, “Wow, this is just like the bar!”
• Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are the only place where you get rewarded for not doing something.
• I thought I joined Alcoholics Anonymous to quit drinking. Turns out, I joined to drink more coffee than ever before!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to take it one day at a time. I told him, “Can I skip Mondays?”

Dark Humor Alcoholics Anonymous Jokes

• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I hit rock bottom. He said, “At least now you have a solid foundation to start over.”
• My favorite drinking game used to be “just one more.” Now, my favorite game is “counting days sober.”
• I walked into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and asked, “Is this the bar?” They said, “It used to be.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to take things one step at a time… I asked if I could skip the hard ones.
• Alcoholics Anonymous says relapse is part of recovery. That’s like saying car accidents are part of learning to drive.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to call him whenever I felt like drinking. I called him so much, he blocked me!
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous group I miss my drinking days. They said, “We don’t. You were annoying.”
• I used to drink to forget. Now, I just forget why I wanted to drink in the first place.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor that I only drink on special occasions. He said, “You called Tuesday a special occasion last week.”
• Someone asked me if I ever blacked out from drinking. I said, “I don’t remember.”
• I used to think quitting alcohol was impossible. Then I remembered—I quit jobs, diets, and relationships all the time!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous group says progress, not perfection. Good thing, because I’m far from perfect at not wanting a drink!
• I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to get sober… but all I got was caffeine addiction and a weird obsession with cookies.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to think before I drink… so now I just think about drinking.
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor if I could have “just one” drink. He said, “Sure, if you want to start over at day one.”

Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor and Sponsee Jokes

• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to call whenever I feel like drinking… so now I call him every five minutes.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor I relapsed. He said, “That’s okay, you’ll get it… one sip at a time.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor gave me life-changing advice: “If you want a drink, pour yourself a glass of water and stare at it until it evaporates.”
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor what to do when I crave alcohol. He said, “Try meditation.” Now I just sit quietly and think about whiskey.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsee called me and said, “I’m thinking about drinking.” I said, “That’s why we don’t think alone!”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to take things one day at a time… so I scheduled my relapse for next Friday.
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsee to call if he needed help. Now he calls every time he can’t find the TV remote.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me to find a higher power. I told him, “I think the bartender is 6’5” – does that count?”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor keeps telling me to let go of control… but then yells at me when I don’t answer his calls!
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsee asked me, “When does recovery get easier?” I said, “I’ll let you know when it happens.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor said I should pray for strength. I said, “I did… but the liquor store was still open.”
• I asked my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor how to stay sober at a party. He said, “Stay home.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsee asked, “What’s the best part about being sober?” I said, “Remembering what I did yesterday.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told me, “You can’t drink on an empty stomach.” I said, “Great! I’ll eat first.”
• I told my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor that I finally accepted Step One. He said, “Great! Only eleven more to go.”

12-Step Program Jokes

• I thought the twelve-step program was a dance routine… turns out, it’s just learning how to walk past a bar!
• I tried to take a shortcut in the twelve-step program… but I tripped over my own denial.
• The twelve-step program said to make amends… I started by apologizing to my liver.
• I asked my sponsor if I could skip a few steps in the twelve-step program. He said, “Sure, but only if you want to start over!”
• I tried to Google a faster way to complete the twelve-step program… but all I found were directions to my next Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
• They told me to take it one step at a time in the twelve-step program. I said, “Can I at least skip the hard ones?”
• The hardest part of the twelve-step program is realizing that step one happens every day.
• I told my sponsor I was stuck on step four of the twelve-step program… He said, “That’s because you’re still blaming everyone else!”
• I thought step twelve of the twelve-step program was a graduation ceremony… turns out, it just means you keep showing up!
• The twelve-step program says I need to make a list of all the people I’ve harmed. I said, “Does my bank account count?”

Funny Sobriety Anniversary Jokes

• Congratulations on your sobriety anniversary! You are now officially older in sobriety than most of my relationships.
• They say time flies when you’re having fun… so why does a sobriety anniversary feel like it took forever?
• One year sober? That’s amazing! That means you saved enough money to buy a small island… or at least a really nice coffee machine.
• I asked my friend what he wanted for his sobriety anniversary. He said, “Just one drink!” Nice try!
• Happy sobriety anniversary! Your liver just sent you a thank-you card.
• You know you are truly sober when you start celebrating your anniversary with cake instead of shots!
• My friend just hit ten years sober. I asked him his secret. He said, “Avoiding friends like you who ask me dumb questions.”
• I threw myself a sobriety anniversary party… but somehow, it just wasn’t as wild as the old ones!
• One year sober means 365 days of saying, “No thanks, I’ll just have water.”
• The best thing about a sobriety anniversary? Waking up the next day and actually remembering you had one!

Alcoholics Anonymous Nicknames & Funny Sayings

• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor calls me “Boomerang” because I keep coming back after relapsing.
• In Alcoholics Anonymous, they call me “The Accountant” because I’m always counting my days of sobriety.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous friends nicknamed me “The Weatherman” because I always say, “One day at a time.”
• They call me “The Escape Artist” at Alcoholics Anonymous because I always find an excuse to leave early.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous nickname is “GPS” because I always remind people to stay on the right path.
• My Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor says my new name is “Sober Steve” – which is weird because my name is Mike.
• In Alcoholics Anonymous, we have a saying: “If life gives you lemons… at least it’s not vodka!”
• They call me “Echo” at Alcoholics Anonymous because I keep repeating, “This is my last meeting.”
• My Alcoholics Anonymous friends say I’m “The Motivator” because I inspire them to stay sober… by reminding them how bad I was when I drank!
• In Alcoholics Anonymous, we have a golden rule: “If you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen… unless someone at the meeting brings it up!”

Funny Quotes About Recovery & Sobriety

• “I joined Alcoholics Anonymous to stop drinking, but now I can’t stop drinking coffee!”
• “Recovery is a journey… mostly between my couch and the refrigerator.”
• “I used to have a drinking problem. Now, I have a staying sober problem!”
• “Sobriety: Because hangovers are a terrible way to start the day.”
• “In Alcoholics Anonymous, we don’t graduate—we just keep repeating the same twelve steps!”
• “I gave up drinking, and now I just have to deal with all these emotions I was avoiding!”
• “The best part about sobriety? Remembering where I put my car keys.”
• “Recovery is like learning to walk again… except now, I remember every step!”
• “They say laughter is the best medicine—unless you’re in Alcoholics Anonymous, then it’s coffee.”
• “Sobriety is proof that I can survive without making terrible decisions at 2 AM!”

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